


The little red book

by A_song_for_the_last_day



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Diary/Journal, Hurt, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-04 05:17:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4126699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_song_for_the_last_day/pseuds/A_song_for_the_last_day
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin survives the battle of five armies, but remains in a coma.<br/>As Bilbo sits by his side in his room, the hobbit gets the idea to write a book about their adventures.<br/>Searching for paper, ink and a feather to write with, he finds a red covered book. Looking into it, he sees it is Thorin's journal of their quest to Erebor.<br/>Knowing that it isn't the right thing to do, but promising to read his own journal to the dwarf, Bilbo starts reading Thorin's journal.<br/>Getting further into the journal, he discovers feelings of the dwarf towards him. Feelings he never believed to be possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The red covered journal

Bilbo felt no pain, neither did he feel grieve or sorrow or any other emotion as he was sitting at the side of Thorin's bed.  
He felt numb, like there was nothing left inside of him, like his heart had stopped feeling from the moment that damned orc had driven it's sword into Thorin's abdomen.  
He remembered screaming as he saw the sword go in, he remembered how he had killed the orc in the few seconds of blind rage that had washed over him.   
He remembered Thorin's dark blue eyes going wide out of shock as the dwarf seemed to realize what had happened, his hands grasping at the gaping wound, from which blood was pouring out way too quickly.   
He remembered him collapsing onto the ground, his face already having an alarming greyish color, his lips turning blue and his gaze growing distant.  
He remembered how the world had seemed to stop as he had fallen down onto his knees next to the deadly wounded king, how the noise of the ongoing battle hadn't reached his ears and the movements of the other warriors hadn't caught his eye.  
He remembered closing his heart to everything on that moment, knowing that if he allowed himself to feel while bending over a dying Thorin, his hands fluttering over the bleeding wound helplessly, it would destroy him.  
He remembered screaming for help, but by the time help had come, Thorin's eyelids had been closed and his respiration had gone weak.  
He remembered thinking they were too late, thinking that Thorin would die and still not feeling anything at all as they carried their king away, bringing him into safety.   
  
He hadn't been able to feel anything for weeks now, he didn't know how to let everything back in.   
It was like he had turned off his emotions without having an idea about how to turn them back on and he honestly didn't know if he had to consider it a bad thing.   
Simply because he didn't know if he could handle it when all the feelings he had been supposed to feel for weeks, would wash over him all at once.  
So he just sat there, on the edge of Thorin's bed, were he had been sitting every day since the battle of five armies, watching the steadily rising and falling of his chest, waiting for him to finally wake up.   
He had killed time by telling him stories of their quest to Erebor or by telling him things about the others of the company.  
He had told him how they were restoring Erebor to its former glory, he had told him about how they were doing the same with Dale and Lake town. He had told him about every single thing that he could think off, even though it wasn't important or relevant, hoping Thorin could hear everything and would wake up.   
Bilbo had been close to giving up hope when a new idea occurred on his mind, he wanted to write down their adventure and while writing it, he would tell every word to Thorin. He had kept a journal, wherein he had written down almost everything that had happened on their way to the lonely mountains and he could use it as a leading wire to write the story.  
He jumped off the bed to search for a feather, some ink and paper to write on, assuming he should be able to find it in Thorin's room.  
As he was searching through the stuff on Thorin's shelves, filled with books and decorative things, he spotted a red covered book, a red covered book that he had seen before. Taking it from the shelf, he remembered seeing Thorin with it a couple of times while they were on their way to Erebor.  
The occasions he had seen him with it had been rare and the dwarf always had been discretely removed from the others while writing in it, but Bilbo had noticed it anyway. Nevertheless he never had felt the urge to ask Thorin what he was writing down.   
With the book in his hand, Bilbo walked back to the bed and sat down on it again. Giving a short glance to the still unconscious dwarf before he opened it.   
  
_Journal of the quest to Erebor._  
  
Reading these first few words, Bilbo quickly closed the journal again, his heart racing in his chest out of excitement, glancing over to the still unconscious dwarf one more time before his eyes got pulled back to the journal which he still was holding.  
He couldn't possibly read it, that would be a serious violation of Thorin's privacy and if he ever found out, the dwarf would probably strangle him.   
On the other hand, reading the story of their quest to Erebor out of another point of view, really would help him with writing his book.  
Another good reason to read it was the fact that he was feeling something, he felt excited and even though it wasn't much and it still wasn't the way he was supposed to feel, but at least he felt something.   
He opened the journal again, staring at the first six words Thorin had written down.  
" I'm going to read your journal and in return I will read mine to you out loud.' Bilbo softly said, looking at the dwarf. " If you don't want me to read it, you better wake up right now."  
He stared at Thorin for a few minutes, hoping his warning would have the desired effect and he would wake up.  
When he hadn't moved or opened his eyes a few minutes later, Bilbo browsed to the next page and started reading.

 

_I met Gandalf today, one of the greatest and wisest wizards that walks the earth.  
We met in the prancing pony in Bree, pure by chance as far that I know.   
I just wanted to start my diner as I noticed a man in the corner watching me, I looked around and saw another man in the opposite direction doing the same.   
Both of them started to walk towards me, my hand was already on my sword, ready to defend myself if necessary.   
That's when Gandalf sat down before me, the two men stopped dead in their track and went back to their seat.   
To be honest, the wizard couldn't have chosen a better time to intervene and I was glad he had done so, since I didn't want to start a fight in a tavern full of innocent people.   
He introduced himself to me as Gandalf the Grey, I told him I knew who he was.   
Then he asked me what brought me to Bree, I answered him that I had heard word about my father being seen around Dunland and I was looking for him, but I found no sign of him.  
This brought Gandalf to start talking about the Lonely mountain, which was taken from us by the dragon Smaug.   
He told me he had urged my father to march upon Erebor and take back the Lonely mountain the last time he saw him and now he wanted to say the same to me.   
When I said that our meeting wasn't by chance, he confirmed it wasn't.   
He told me the Lonely mountain troubled him, he was afraid sooner or later some dark minds would turn towards Erebor.  
He also told me that he ran into some unsavory characters on his way here, from which one was carrying a message.  
He showed it to me, then told me it was black speech and when I looked at him with unease he told me it was a promise of payment.  
I asked him for what, he answered that it was for my head, someone wanted me dead.   
Gandalf urged me to unite the army of dwarves, he said I should summon a meeting between the seven dwarf families and demand they stand by their oath.  
I told him they swore the oath to the one who wields the King's jewel, the Arkenstone. Which is the only thing what will unite them and unfortunately for us, the Arkenstone was stolen by Smaug.   
He said he would help me, I asked him how he would do that, since the King's jewel was buried underneath the feet of a fire breathing dragon.   
He told me we would need a burglar and he said he knew just the perfect person to do the job.  
He didn't give me much more information though, he didn't want to tell me who he was going to ask to be our burglar.   
Nevertheless, by the time we had finished our dinner, we agreed on marching upon Erebor.   
Now we only had to find volunteers to come with us and until this very moment, it's a task I can't easily complete.  
  
_ " Gandalf had been planning this all along." Bilbo said, more to himself then to Thorin. " He already knew he was going to pull me into this adventure. I was chanceless from the moment he started to talk about taking a burglar."   
He glanced over at the king, who was still deep asleep.  
" Well, I promised to read my journal to you, although I doubt you can hear it. But I'll give it a try anyway. Let me tell you how I met Gandalf the Grey."   
  
_A very peculiar thing happened to me today._  
This morning, when I was smoking my pipe and enjoying the nice weather on the bench in my garden, a strange figure , wearing a grey cape and a grey, pointed hat walked by.   
" Good morning" I said, on which he stopped and looked at me from under his long bushy eyebrows.   
He asked me what I meant with that sentence, if I wished him a good morning, or if I meant that it was a good morning whether he liked it or not, or that I felt good that morning, or that it was a morning to feel good on.   
He got me confused , pointing out to me in how many ways a simple good morning could be understood. I eventually told him I meant all of them at once.   
He kept staring at me, it made me feel a bit uncomfortable so I decided to ask him if I could help him with something, that's when he told me he was searching for someone to share in an adventure.  
It startled me, how could this weird old man think he would find someone who would like to go on an adventure in the Shire?   
Hobbits don't like adventures, they think about them as nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things, which make you late for dinner. I told him this, then I got up to collect my mail from the mailbox and started back for the door.   
Then he said something what made me turn around again in surprise. I quote: " To think I that I should have lived to be good- morninged by Belladonna Took's son , as if I was selling buttons at the door!"   
" Beg your pardon?' I asked, still startled by the mentioning of my mother's name by this peculiar fellow.   
He told me that I had changed, and not entirely for the better, on which I asked him if I knew him, since I still had no idea about who he was.  
He said that I knew his name, although I didn't remember it, then introduced himself as Gandalf.   
Hearing that name I suddenly knew who he was, it was Gandalf the wandering wizard, who made such excellent fireworks.  
I remember old Took having them at Midsummer's Eve. I told him about the fireworks, I also told him I didn't know he was still in business, on which he asked me where else he should be.  
I had no answer to that, but he didn't seem to mind, he said he was pleased that I remembered something about him, even if it was only his fireworks.   
Then he nodded, more to himself then to me and said: " Well, that's decided. It'll be very good for you, and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others.  
" I almost got hysterical at that point, I asked him who he was going to inform, then said no. I didn't want to go on an adventure, and he wasn't going to drag me into it, over my cold dead body.   
Quickly I walked to the door, then I turned again to tell him we didn't want any adventures here. I told him he should try over the hill or across the water, then I wished him a good morning once more and went inside, locking the door behind me.   
That wizard really got on my nerves, and I wanted to go make myself a second breakfast when I heard some noise, so I went to look through the window, only to see Gandalf staring back at me.  
I quickly looked away and tried again a few minutes later, and I was just in time to see him walk away. I was relieved, for a moment I believed that bloody wizard was going to wait at my door until I came out again.   
Glad that he was gone, I went to make my second breakfast and by the time I was done eating it, Gandalf was carefully tucked away in the back of my mind.  
  
  
Bilbo swallowed when he was done reading the first page of his journal, unaware that his eyes slid back to Thorin, who still lay peacefully in his sleep. There was no sign that he had heard anything from what Bilbo just had told, no movement that could indicate that Thorin would wake up soon. " This is the easy part, you know? The part about Gandalf and meeting the company, meeting you." Bilbo softly said. " It will get harder to read this out loud when I come to the part where I actually start to care." He stared at his black covered journal for a while, then he putted it on top of Thorin's red covered one. " I should go see how the others are doing." He mumbled before he jumped of off the bed again. " I'll be back soon." He quickly kissed the dwarf's forehead, then left the room and made his way through the halls of Erebor to see what the others were doing.


	2. Take me back to the start

_I met our burglar today._  
To be honest, I didn't really know what to expect him to be like, but I certainly wasn't expecting this.  
From the moment I first saw him, I felt like Gandalf had made a big mistake and when he opened his mouth, that feeling got even worse.  
Our burglar clearly doesn't know how to fight, it looks like he hasn't handled a weapon in his entire life and I don't have the slightest idea of how we could use him on our quest. Not that it still matters, the halfling decided not to come with us and I have to say it's a relieve.  
Only the thought of having to look after him… Well, I'm going on this quest to take back Erebor from the dragon, not to babysit.  
Anyway, he still seemed to be interested while we were discussing or journey, but as soon he got the contract and read it, he fainted.  
I know the contract speaks of the dragon and that there are possible painful deaths described in it, but fainting by just reading it…?  
I wonder what he would do when he actually stood face to face with a real life dragon.  
It seems to me the halfling has no spine at all, I couldn't find the slightest bit of courage radiating from him.  
When he gained back consciousness, he excused himself and told us he wasn't the right person for the job, then he went into his room and didn't come back out again.  
Not that I am complaining, he's useless anyway, if he would come with us, he would be nothing more than a burden.  
A burden that would keep us back from reaching our goal.  
Nevertheless I have to admit it's nice of him to let us use his house to congregate, although I doubt he was expecting us in the first place.  
With the halfling not coming, our company now counts fourteen members, me, twelve other dwarves who are courageous enough to face the dragon and Gandalf.  
I know this quest isn't going to be easy, a lot of dangers lay on the way to the lonely mountains, but with my twelve skilled warriors, it must be possible to reach Erebor and slay the worm that made our kingdom his home.  
We will show him who's home Erebor truly is...

 

Bilbo closed the journal, a soft smile lingering around his lips.  
The dwarf's words had hurt him back then, and he couldn't say they didn't have any effect on him now.  
But it was easier to read them, it would have been harder to hear them out of Thorin's mouth again.  
Then there also was the fact that he knew Thorin had changed his mind about him later on, what made the words in his journal irrelevant.  
" You don't speak very nice of me." Bilbo said, looking at the unconscious king. " It's ok though. On the next page of my journal I don't speak very nice about you either. Or about the others for that matter."  
Bilbo chuckled by the memory of writing down that particular evening in his journal, he had been so frustrated back then.  
Now it were memories he would cherish forever.

 

_I should have known that damn wizard wouldn't leave me alone._  
The thought about him has haunted me for days, I've been afraid to run into him every time I left the house.  
It seems like I don't have to leave the house for him to get to me, he's in my living room on this moment, together with thirteen dwarves I never have seen before.  
It started when I wanted to eat my dinner. The doorbell rang and I went to open the door, finding a rough eyeing dwarf on my doorstep.  
He introduced himself as Dwalin and made a bow, then he came in and asked me which way it was.  
I was startled, I never had seen him before and I had no idea what he was talking about, so I asked him.  
He threw his coat at me, then told me he was talking about supper. He made his way to the kitchen, where he sat down and helped himself on my supper.  
After he had finished my plate he asked me if I had any more.  
Of course stupid me brought him a plate of scones, which he started stuffing in his mouth.  
I wanted to explain to him that I hadn't been expecting visitors when the doorbell rang again.  
The dwarf was so ' polite' to point it out to me, so I went and opened the door again to find a second dwarf on my doorstep.  
This one seemed to be older than the one who named himself Dwalin and his hair and beard both were white. He introduced himself as Balin and let himself in, asking if he was late. I wondered what he possibly could be late for, but I didn't have the chance to ask him since he already had noticed the other dwarf and went to great him.  
Getting a bit frustrated I started to tell them I was pretty sure they found themselves in the wrong house.  
Both of them ignored me though, they were way too busy with raiding my pantry.  
It was only when I excused myself from being so blunt that they turned around, accepted my apology and continued to raid my pantry.  
The doorbell rang again after that and when I went to open it I found two young dwarves standing there who introduced themselves as Kili and Fili.  
I immediately told them they couldn't come in, there were enough dwarves in my house as it was and I wanted to shut the door.  
One of them stopped me by placing his foot between the door and asked if it had been canceled. Not knowing what they were talking about I told them nothing was canceled. Stupid mistake from my side, because the two let themselves in.  
The blond one gave me his swords which were wrapped in cloths with the message to be careful with them, because he just had gotten them sharpened.  
They got called by Dwalin to come help, apparently my dining room wasn't big enough to fit everyone in.  
_What left me with the question if more dwarves were coming, and of course there were._  
As the four dwarves were rearranging my dining room the doorbell rang again, and although I knew what was coming, I opened the door.  
That's when I got buried underneath a bunch of dwarves, they came falling right into the house. Behind them, a familiar figure poked his head through the door. Gandalf…  
The bunch of dwarves that had literally fallen through my front door started to help raiding my pantry.  
They took stuff I'd rather had they kept their hands of, so I filled my time with going after every dwarf that carried something valuable.  
Not that it helped much, they got their hands on everything and by the time they gathered around the table, my house was a mess and my pantry was emptier then it ever had been.  
I complained to Gandalf about what they had done to my house, but the wizard laughed it off.  
After they had finished eating, one of them wondered what he should do with his plate. The one named Fili knew a solution to that, he started to throw the plates to another dwarf in the kitchen.  
When I complained about it, the other dwarves started to use the cutlery to play music, and when I said something _about it, they started to sing._  
A song that made fun of me, but I have to admit it was pretty catchy.  
When they stopped singing, I walked into the kitchen and found my plates and cutlery neatly cleaned and stacked, together with a bunch of laughing dwarves.  
How they managed to do it without breaking something? I have no idea.  
While we were still in the kitchen there came three hard knocks on the door and the dwarves stopped laughing immediately.  
Gandalf announced he was here. Who he was, I had no idea of. The only thing I was pretty sure of, was that it would be another dwarf.  
The wizard went to open the door, and indeed another dwarf was standing there.  
This one had long black hair with strands of grey in it, his beard was shorter than the beards of the others and he had blue eyes.  
He greeted Gandalf, then told him he got lost twice and that he wouldn't have found the place if it wasn't for the mark on the door.  
Mark on the door? There was no mark on my door. I told them there was no mark on the door, but Gandalf said there was, he had put it there himself.  
Leave it to that bloody wizard to get my house ruined…  
Gandalf introduced us to each other, learning me the dwarf was Thorin Oakenshield, the leader of our company.  
What company he was talking about? I still had no clue.  
The dwarf looked at me, his eyes almost piercing through me, then he asked me if I had done much fighting.  
I didn't know what he was talking about. Me, Bilbo Baggins and fighting? It doesn't sound like a good combination to me.  
Then he asked me what my weapon of choice was, I answered I have some skill at conkers, but I failed to see the relevance of the question.  
He said he thought as much, said I looked more like a grocer then a burglar, which made all the other dwarves laugh.  
They went into the dining room and served food to the rather rude dwarf, then, while he was eating, they finally started discussing the topic which had made them gather in my house.  
Turned out they were going on a quest to take back their kingdom from a dragon. Only the idea I found crazy, but the worst part was they wanted me to go with them as their burglar… Their burglar, for God's sake, I never have stolen anything in my life.   
_Thorin handed me a contract, which I did read and immediately after reading it I said no, then I fainted._  
_When I gained consciousness again, I had a talk with Gandalf, who tried to convince me to come on their quest._  
_I still refused, I told him I was not the hobbit they were looking for, then I went into my room and I'm still sitting there now._  
The dwarves still are in my house, I can hear them talk and only a few moments ago I heard them sing a song.  
It brought goose bumps to my flesh when I heard it, their voices were full of pain.  
For a second I felt guilty about not wanting to help them, then again, how could getting killed by a dragon be of any help.  
I think it's for the best if I stay home, were I won't be in anyone's way.

 

Bilbo closed his own journal, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.  
" If I had known back then, how much I would start to care about you. About all of you." He said, his eyes landing on the unconscious figure he had been reading to. " I would have signed that stupid contract immediately. I would have traveled to the end of the world for you. All of it without complaining."  
Bilbo softly stroked the king's hair. " Just to let you know how much I love you, Thorin Oakenshield."


	3. Bad company

_It's a nice night to be outside, the sky is clear but it isn't cold yet._   
_Most of the company is already asleep, but I can't seem to find sleep._   
_There are orcs in the neighborhood and knowing it gives me the chills._   
_Maybe some writing will get me sleepy, so I'll tell something about what happened today._   
_We started our journey and surprisingly enough, we got unexpected company._   
_Our burglar, yes the one who fainted when the dragon got mentioned, decided to come with us after all._   
_With him joining us, our company now counts fifteen members._   
_Thirteen dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard._   
_After the halfling got loaded on his pony, we continued our way._   
_We were on our way for a few minutes when our burglar called to stop again._   
_The reason was he had forgotten his handkerchief. Can you believe it? He made us stop because of a stupid handkerchief. We didn't turn back though, Bofur ripped a piece of his clothing and gave it to him._   
_The halfling didn't seem very pleased with it, but he didn't seem to be pleased with riding his pony either and I have the idea he won't be pleased with a lot of other stuff along our way._   
_I still can't figure out why Gandalf wanted to take him._   
_Judging on everything I have seen him do until now he's not a warrior, he seems to be way to sweet and compassionate to kill someone._   
_He doesn't really seem to be a good burglar either, he went to his pony earlier and gave it an apple, looking around if no one saw him do it._   
_I did see him do it though, I heard him leave and watched were he went._   
_How can he ever steal something from a dragon when he can't skulk to his pony without me noticing it?_   
_It was when he still was feeding the apple to his pony that wild shrieks sounded through the air._   
_The halfling asked Kili and Fili what it was and they answered him it were orcs._   
_Apparently he didn't know what orcs were, so Kili and Fili explained it to him in a way I didn't approve._   
_They were teasing the halfling and I couldn't care less about it._   
_But making jokes about orcs was something I couldn't tolerate._   
_Orcs were not something to joke about so I got angry at Kili and Fili, told them they know nothing of the world before I walked away._   
_It was because my nephews got startled by my sudden anger that Balin told them about the battle of Moira._   
_When he had finished the story I returned to the others, who were all looking at me with great respect._   
_Except for one... And it was the halfling. Not that he didn't seem to respect me, but there was something else in his eyes too._   
_The halfling was looking at me with compassion, he pitied me._   
_I didn't know how I should have felt when I saw it and I still don't know how I feel about it now._   
_I remember that day like it was yesterday, and I've seen many emotions on a man's face ever since._   
_Respect mostly, even fear. But I never saw one looking at me with compassion._   
_Seeing him looking at me like that caught me of guard and I walked directly past the others, back to my sleeping spot._   
_I'm still on the same spot while writing this, having a good view over the rest of our group._   
_Most of them are asleep again, they probably have forgotten about the dangers that are lurking around._   
_Or they are just counting on me to keep them safe and warn them when we have to flee or fight._   
_Even the hobbit is asleep, even though he had a good scare a few hours ago._   
_So I guess I'm going to do the same, or at least I'm going to give it another try._   
_We'll have a long day ahead of us tomorrow._

 

Bilbo closed the journal, then he let out a big sigh.  
" You know why I pitied you?" Bilbo asked the unconscious king. " Because I know what it feels like to lose someone you care about. And you lost a lot of people you care about, all at once. That was why I pitied you. Don't get me wrong, hearing about the way you went into battle afterwards extorted some respect, but that didn't change the fact that I still had compassion with you."  
He looked at the dwarf, who wasn't giving any sign of waking up and let out another big sigh.  
Bilbo was quite for a little while, overthinking the things Thorin had written in his journal, when he heard a soft knock on the door.  
" Come in." He said, looking at the door, wondering who was there.  
" It's time to nurse his wounds Bilbo." Oin said as he entered the room. " You should go eat something. I can see you getting smaller every day."  
Bilbo shook his head. " I'm not hungry. Teach me."  
" Teach you what?" Oin asked, setting up his stuff to nurse Thorin's wounds. " How to eat?"  
" Teach me how to nurse his wounds." Bilbo replied. " Don't worry, I'm not going to steal your job. I only want to help you with nursing him. Like an assistant."  
" You are not going to be of much use to me as an assistant when you refuse to eat, Bilbo Baggins." Oin remarked as he started to remove the bandages from Thorin's injuries.  
" I promise I'll eat something tonight." Bilbo said, looking at Oin's movements. " Please teach me. I'm tired of only sitting here and waiting for him to wake up. I want to do something that's profitable."  
" All right, fine, you can help me." Oin said, giving Bilbo a small smile. " It's really not that hard you see, first you wash out the wounds with warm water and a clean cloth."  
Bilbo watched as Oin carefully started to wash out Thorin's wounds.  
" When the wounds are clean, you rub some ointment on them." Oin explained. " This one is made from rosemary and basil. It works against inflammation. Here, give it a go."  
Bilbo took the ointment from Oin and carefully rubbed it over Thorin's wounds.  
" What's next?" He asked when he was done.  
" Now comes an ointment that helps with the healing of his wounds." Oin answered, giving him some other ointment.  
" Just rub it on the wound like you did with the other one."  
Bilbo rubbed the second ointment on Thorin's wounds, then looked at Oin for further instructions.  
" Now all we have to do is bandage them again." Oin said, holding out some bandages to Bilbo. " Be careful not to make them to tight or to lose"  
Bilbo did as he was told and in less than ten minutes Thorin's bandages were changed.  
" Well, my work here is done." Oin said while he started to pack his stuff again. " You keep your promise and eat something this evening. Like I said, you won't be of much use when you starve to death."  
" Oin, can I ask you something?" Bilbo asked when the dwarf wanted to leave the room.  
Oin turned around. " Ask me anything you want."  
" Did you ever pity Thorin?" Bilbo asked, looking at the dwarf curiously.  
" Of course I have." Oin answered. " With all he has been through, it's hard not to feel compassion for him every now and then."  
" Did you ever show you pitied him?" Bilbo asked.  
" No, I didn't. And I didn't show him my compassion because I know he wouldn't want it." Oin replied. " It would have made him feel vulnerable and exposed."  
" I should keep that in mind." Bilbo mumbled. " Thank you for your time."  
" You're welcome." Oin said, then he left the room.  
Bilbo returned to the king's bed and sat down on it again.  
" Your wounds seem to be healing well." He stated, taking the dwarf's hand in his. " Why won't you wake up?"  
He smirked when he received no answer. " Oin keeps telling me you mentally aren't ready to wake up yet. But I'm reading your journal, I'm violating your privacy. What else does it take for you to wake up?"  
Bilbo released the dwarf's hand again and opened his own journal. " At least you have the benefit of hearing my side of the story." He sighed. " So, here is what I wrote that night."

_This morning, when I woke up, the house was quiet and peaceful again._  
The dwarves had left, they had cleaned up the mess they had made.  
It was like they never had been into my house and I could have believed it all had been a bad dream if it wasn't for the contract they had left me on the table.  
Seeing it laying there, ready to be signed and delivered, changed everything.  
It was like a switch got turned in my mind and until now I still don't know what got over me, but I signed it and I went after them.  
This might have been the stupidest decision I've made in my entire life, but I signed it, so there's no turning back now.  
As soon I reached the company, I gave Balin the contract and after he checked it I got welcomed into the company of Thorin Oakenshield.  
Soon after that I got loaded on a pony, against my wishes, and we continued our journey towards Erebor.  
Now we are spending the night on a place that gives me the creeps and I can't sleep because I am scared.  
The fact that I'm scared is the fault of Kili and Fili, with their stories about orcs and the way they kill.  
At first I couldn't sleep because of the loud snoring of the dwarves, so I went to feed my pony.  
I was feeding her an apple when I heard some wild shrieking and when I asked what it was, Kili and Fili told me it were orcs. They told me they sneak up on you at night and slash your throat, no shrieking, no sounds, only a lot of blood. Thorin didn't seem to be pleased with the way they were talking about orcs, he spat out at them before he secluded himself from us.  
That's when Balin told us the story of the battle of Moira, where Thorin saw his grandfather getting killed by the pale orc and then led his army to victory.   
_Nevertheless I couldn't help but feel compassion for him, the people he had lost that day, it must have been awful._   
_When Balin finished his story, everyone was looking at Thorin with respect._   
_Only I looked at him with compassion and when he saw it, he walked away again._   
_Maybe showing my compassion caught him of guard, or maybe he doesn't like to be pitied._   
_Anyway, I didn't dare to go after him, I didn't want him to yell at me, I didn't want to give him a reason to be mad at me. So here I still am, writing in my journal, not being able to sleep._   
_Knowing that dawn will be there soon and knowing we have a long day ahead of us..._

 

Bilbo closed his journal and putted it on top of Thorin's.  
" To think I already wanted to be there for you on that moment. When I barely knew you." He sighed, glancing at the unconscious king. " When the most things you said to me were insulting. But I knew you were better than that and I was right."  
Bilbo jumped off of the bed, quickly kissed the king's cheek and walked towards the door. " Got to keep my promise to Oin. Otherwise he will shove some food trough my throat. I guess I'm better of when I eat it myself."


	4. Of orcs, trolls, elves and dwarves

_Rivendell.  
One of the places I most definitely don't want to be.  
But still I find myself surrounded by these nasty three huggers, thanks to that bloody wizard.  
If I didn't know better I would have thought he had planned this all along.  
But even for Gandalf, everything that has happened, seems to far fetched.  
It all started when we stopped at the old farm to set camp for the night.  
I gave Fili and Kili the task to look after the ponies, told the others to get a fire going.  
That's when Gandalf started blabbering, to himself at first, but soon enough it was directed at me.  
He said we should move on, that we could make it to the hidden valley.  
I told him I would not go there.  
Then he started to nag about the elves being able to help us, that I should forgive them.  
Like they were going to help us, those filthy elves had never helped us. Not with Erebor, not with Moria.  
So I did not need their help now either.  
As I told him that, he stamped off in frustration, only to stop when the halfling asked where he was going. " To seek the company of the only one who has any sense." His answer was.  
And when the halfling asked who that might be, the wizard told him he was referring to himself.  
Didn't seem quite right to me... , but well.  
  
A few hours later we had dinner. The hobbit went to bring food to Fili and Kili, who still were watching the ponies.  
At least that's what I thought they were doing.  
Until they came running out of the bushes all of a sudden, screaming about trolls that had stolen the ponies and something about the halfling trying to save the ponies.  
The entire company was on his feet in a few seconds, including me and we followed Fili and Kili to the troll camp.  
Guess what happened, we were captured.  
The trolls were holding the halfling on his arms and legs, threatening to rip them off if we didn't drop our weapons.  
I still don't know what I was thinking, maybe I felt some kind of compassion for him.  
I laid down my sword, and as I did so did the others. We got put in bags, tied up to our necks.  
Then the trolls started to discuss how they could best cook us... what I found quite disturbing.  
The halfling interfered in their discussion, telling them they didn't know how to cook dwarf.  
Telling them they would need something stronger than sage to plate us up. Because we stinked ?  
Peculiar little being he is that hobbit.  
It bought us some time, but soon enough the trolls were tired of it and decided to eat us raw.  
They were just about to eat Gloin when the hobbit told them to stop.  
He told them Gloin was infested with worms and when they seemed to buy that, he told them we all were infested.  
It led to a lot of comments from the others, screaming they did not have worms.  
Until I kicked one of them and they finally realized what the halfling was trying to do.  
The trolls didn't fall for his lies long though. Soon enough they realized he was lying.  
And then all out of a sudden, Gandalf appeared on a huge rock, using his cane to split it in two, yelling. " The dawn will take you all."  
As the first rays of light shone upon the trolls, they turned to stone. The wizard then freed us out of our bags.  
I asked him where he had been, on what he answered that he was looking ahead.  
When I asked him what made him come back, he said looking back.  
After we talked for a few minutes we went to search for the troll's cave.  
It didn't take us long to find the cave and we went inside.  
The smell inside was almost insufferable, maybe a good lesson for the hobbit, who clearly didn't know what stinking was. As we went through the treasures that lay in the cave, I obtained Orcrist.  
A fine sword, made by elves, but still a fine sword. Gandalf picked up a smaller sword, which looked more like a dagger to me, and gave it to the halfling.  
The hobbit himself looked bewildered by the thought of carrying around a sword.  
I doubted if he had any idea how to use it.  
But with the dagger in his possession he could at least try to stab his beheader the next time he gets in trouble.  
We gathered outside the cave and were just about to continue our journey when I heard something.  
We all drew our weapons, ready for the attack, but the only thing coming out of the bushes was a peculiar looking figure on a sled that was led by rabbits. And of course Gandalf knew him.  
I learned the peculiar looking figure was another wizard, named Radagast the Brown.  
Radagast needed to talk to Gandalf about the green wood. Apparently something was wrong there.  
They had only talked for a few minutes when a howl came, making all of us nervous.  
The halfling asked if the howl came from a wolf. It was not a wolf, it was something else and it was pretty close.  
Then a growl came from the bushes behind us and we discovered warg scouts.  
We managed to kill two of them, but more were on their way.  
Then Gandalf started to accuse me of telling others about our quest, what I most certainly did not do.  
When I asked him what was going on, he told me we were being hunted. We had to get out of there as soon as possible. Radagast wanted to distract the wargs, he wanted to lead them away from us.  
Gandalf doubted he was able to do that, he was afraid the wargs would outrun him.  
But Radagast was quite sure that was not going to happen.  
To be honest, I doubted he could do it too, but it appeared he could.  
  
Well to make a long story short, we managed to run for a while before one of the wargs spotted us.  
Kili shot him with an arrow, but it's shrieking warned the others.  
As they came after us Gandalf led us into a tunnel and once we were inside a bunch of elves appeared and killed the orcs and their wargs.  
One guess where we stranded when we followed the tunnel. Of course in Rivendell.  
We had dinner there, if you can call leaves and green food dinner.  
Then lord Elrond was able to encrypt the map_ _of Erebor._  
He told us how and when we could open the hidden door to the mountain.  
Not that I was excited about him snooping in my map. In my opinion the elf didn't have any business with our quest.  
But at least we found out what it said and it seemed that we didn't have much time left to reach the lonely mountain.  
  
_After our meeting with lord Elrond, I decided to go for a little walk._  
 _Although it was mostly green and some more green, the gardens of Rivendell had something beautiful about them._  
 _They were peaceful, they brought my head to rest, they stopped the constant stream of thoughts and doubts that had been bugging me for days._  
 _That was until I heard Gandalf and Elrond talking..., about me._  
 _Lord Elrond was expressing his concerns about me falling for the golden sickness, and although Gandalf was defending me, I still found the elf's concern correct._  
 _The possibility is there, both my father and grandfather have fallen for the golden sickness, so why would I believe I won't be affected by it._  
 _As they still were discussing the matter, and I was still listening, I saw the halfling standing behind me out of the corner of my eye._  
 _He probably had heard everything._  
 _If he had asked me on that moment if I was ok, if I was alright, I would have told him I wasn't._  
 _If he had asked me anything, I would have confided in him._  
 _Because I was afraid, I was scared and I needed someone to talk to._  
 _I needed someone to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be ok, that everything was going to be fine in the end._  
 _On that moment, even the halfling was good enough._  
 _He didn't ask anything though, he didn't speak a word, he just stood there, staring at me with those big compassionate eyes. It made me feel uncomfortable, so I left, not saying anything to him, not looking at him at all._  
 _I pretended I didn't know he was there._  
 _And now I'm sitting here, writing. Waiting for the rest of the day to pass. Tomorrow at dawn we will leave again._  
 _I can't wait to get out of here._  
  
  
Bilbo closed the journal and putted it on the night table again, letting out a big sigh. " I loved Rivendell, you know?" He said, looking at the sleeping dwarf. " I hope to go back there someday. And I hope you will be accompanying me." He let out another sigh when no reaction came, although he had expected it. There never came a reaction from the unconscious dwarf. " Although you'd have to wake up first." Bilbo continued, taking the dwarfs hand in his. " Why won't you wake up? What is it you are so afraid of that you rather stay asleep then to wake up. I have forgiven you a long time ago. So I won't blame you for anything. None of us will." Again there was no reaction, there was no sign the dwarf would wake up. " I miss you." Bilbo said as he crawled upon the dwarf's bed, nesting himself against Thorin's body. " I really miss you."


	5. In Bilbo's words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos, comments and bookmarks :)  
> So, since some of you also wanted Bilbo's part of the story, here it is.   
> Not my best chapter,... But well.
> 
> Enjoy reading.

Last night ,... was a long night, without any sleep.  
So at this point I'm exhausted, but still I'm not able to sleep.  
I guess I need to write down the events that took place in the last 48 hours.  
I think I need to get them out of my system before I'll be able to close my eyes.   
So here we go...

Last night we stopped at a ruined and abandoned farmhouse, where Thorin wanted to spend the night.  
He was already giving out orders, telling Kili and Fili to watch the ponies, while Oin and Gloin had to get a fire going.   
At that point Gandalf went to talk to Thorin.   
I heard him say something about moving on, but Thorin wouldn’t listen to that.  
I didn't pay attention to the rest of their discussion, since Oin and Gloin had started cooking and I got distracted by the smell of food.   
It was only when Gandalf marched of, being visibly irritated, he got my attention again.   
I asked him where he was going, because I didn't really like the idea of being left behind with a bunch of dwarves.   
" To seek the company of the only one that makes sense around here." He had answered me.  
And when I asked him who that might be, he said. " Myself, master Baggins." , before he disappeared into the bushes.   
I have to admit, I got a little uncomfortable with the wizard’s disappearance. 

 

A few hours later, Oin and Gloin had the food ready.   
Starved as I was, my bowl was empty in a few seconds.   
Oin and Gloin then asked me to bring two bowls of food to Fili and Kili, who were still watching the ponies.   
If I had known that’s where the trouble would start, I would have said no.   
But of course I didn’t know that, so I said yes, took the two bowls and walked over to Kili and Fili.   
When I arrived the two boys seemed to be a bit startled, they were staring at the ponies with blank faces.   
When I asked them what was wrong, they told me there was a small problem, there had been sixteen ponies and they only counted fourteen. What meant two of them were missing.   
As I looked around I saw uprooted trees, so whatever took the ponies had to be very big.   
At that point Fili saw something, the glowing of a light and we moved closer to see what was there.

Well let me tell you, the sight wasn't pretty.   
Three trolls were sitting around the fire, talking among each other pretty loudly.   
Our ponies stood behind the trolls, tied up and waiting to become their meal.   
Fili and Kili urged me to go save them, which I found a very bad idea, but they told me I was so small and quite the trolls would never notice me.   
They also assured me they would be right behind me.   
Stupid as I am, I believed them.   
I gathered all the courage I possessed and went in.   
When I looked back, Fili and Kili had disappeared. Blasted dwarves!   
, it was too late to turn back. It was too late to turn back though, so I snuck through the bushes, making my way to where the ponies were captured.   
The trolls were to busy talking to notice me while I tried to free the ponies, the only problem was that the ponies were tied up too tightly for me to get them loose.   
I looked around, noticing one of the trolls carrying a knife in his back pocket.   
Of course I had to go try to get it, and I was doing a pretty good job until the troll had to sneeze, grabbing for his handkerchief and picking me up.   
It resulted in me being covered with snot, which was disgusting, and the troll being very surprised of what had come out of his hooter.   
One of the trolls asked what I was.   
My answer was " A burglar... Uhm hobbit."  
The trolls started questioning me about what a burglar hobbit was and if there were any more of my kind around.  
When I told them there were not, they started to discuss what to do with me, because I only was a mouthful.   
Meanwhile I tried to get free out of the trolls grip, without any succes. 

I have to admit, I've never been more afraid in my whole life.   
Hearing all the things they wanted to do with me, while there was no way to escape. It terrified me.   
I almost gave up hope when the troll that was holding me cried out in pain.  
" Put him down!" I heard someone yelling and when I looked down I saw it was Kili. " I said, put him down!" Kili demanded again.  
The Troll that was holding me got annoyed by Kili's interventions and threw me at him, leading to the others storming out of the bushes and attacking the trolls.   
I was finally free and I tried to escape while the others were fighting the trolls.  
My freedom didn't last for long though, soon enough one of the trolls grabbed me again, holding me by my arms and legs.   
Threatening to rip of my limbs if the dwarves didn’t drop their weapons.   
Thorin stared at me for a while, hesitating, but eventually dropping his weapon and so did the others.   
I could see by the look on his face that he didn’t really want to. I’m still wondering why he actually did it.   
But still he did and I'm thankful for it.

Of Course the trolls captured them, putting all of us in bags, tied up to the neck.  
Now we were really in trouble.  
Some of us were thrown on a heap, while a few others got tied up above a spit.   
The trolls weren't patient enough though. Soon they started arguing it was taking to long, that they should just cook them.   
Right then I saw something move in the bushes, Gandalf, and I understood I had to buy some time for the wizard to help us.   
" Wait, wait. It's all wrong!" I yelled at the trolls, trying to get on my feet, which was really hard considering the bag I was still in. " I mean... with the seasoning."  
The trolls looked at me in bewilderment, asking me what I knew about cooking dwarf.  
So I told them they would need something stronger than sage to plate them up, what led to a bunch of comments from the dwarves.   
It worked for a bit, they started arguing again, but soon enough they realized it was only a matter of time before the sun would rise, so they decided to eat us raw.  
One of them picked up Gloin and I shouted not to eat him, because he was infected with worms.   
The troll threw him down in disgust, what brought me on an even better idea.   
“ In fact they are all infected.” I continued. “ Nasty business really, I wouldn’t risk it if I were you.”   
On that the dwarves started to shout and protest even harder, claiming that they had no worms.   
Until Thorin, who clearly was the only one who understood what I was doing., kicked one of them. Then they all started screaming they did have worms, practically fighting about who had the biggest worms.   
Nevertheless the trolls weren't as stupid as they looked, soon enough they figured out I was fooling them.   
" The dawn will take you all!"   
Gandalf appeared on top of a cliff, breaking the cliff with his wand, releasing the light from the rising sun.  
The trolls cried out in agony before they turned into stone.   
We were saved.

Gandalf freed us out of the bags, then Thorin turned to him and asked where he had been.   
" To look ahead." The wizard answered.  
When Thorin asked what made him come back, he simply answered. " Looking back. Nasty business." 

Since trolls can't survive in daylight, they figured there must be a cave nearby. So we went to search for it.   
It wasn't really hard to find it, all we had to do was follow the stench.   
Most of the company went inside to snoop through the treasures that lay inside. I stayed outside, I didn't want to go into a cave that smelled so badly.   
It took them a while to come back out, but when they did Gandalf came to me, handing me a sword.   
I looked at it with mingled feelings, it was nice from him to give it to me, but I had no idea how to use it.   
When I told him that he said true courage was not knowing when to take a life, but to know when to spare a life. 

" Something is coming!" One of the others called.   
We all drew our weapon, waiting for what was coming.   
But the only thing coming out of the bushes was a man on a sled pulled by rabbits.   
" Radagast. Radagast the Brown." Gandalf said, being surprised. " What on earth are you doing here?"   
Turned out that Radagast was searching Gandalf because the green wood was sick.   
The two men talked for a while, Radagast not to happy with what he was telling and Gandalf frowning on the information he was hearing.   
Suddenly a howl sounded through the air, giving me goosebumps.   
I asked if it was a wolf, but according the dwarves it was not.  
Then a growl came out of the bushes and when we turned around we saw a warg skulking towards us.   
Kili quickly shot it with an arrow, but there was another one coming, which got killed by Dwalin.   
Thorin said a pack wouldn’t be far behind.  
Gandalf asked him who else he had told about the quest, Thorin answered he had told no one.   
The wizard didn't seem to believe him, so he asked it again.  
" No one! " Thorin practically cried out. " What ' s going on here?"  
Gandalf replied we were being hunted.   
We had to get out of there, but our problem was that the ponies had bolted.   
That's where Radagast came in handy, he wanted to distract the wargs and their riders while we ran for safety. 

So we did and it worked. While the wargs chased Radagast on his sled, we took a run for it.   
Everything went well until one of the orcs realized something was wrong and came our way.  
Kili quickly shot him and his warg, but the squeals of the warg alerted the others.   
So we kept running, the wargs gaining space on us quickly.  
Then Gandalf found a hidden tunnel and we went in.   
When we followed the tunnel we came in Rivendell.   
One way or another, Gandalf still got what he wanted.  
Rivendell was beautiful though, and I wouldn’t mind if we could stay there for a while.   
Lord Elrond invited us to diner, which was very nice of him.   
Then we discussed the map with him, and he could tell us when we had to be in Erebor to open the hidden door. 

After all of this, I went for a walk through the gardens of Rivendell.   
While I was walking, I suddenly spotted Thorin, who was overhearing a conversation between Gandalf and lord Elrond.   
They were talking about the golden sickness and the chances that Thorin would fall for it too.   
The dwarf pretended not to notice me, although I know he did.   
Once again I felt compassion for him, but I didn’t dare to say anything, scared that he would get mad and yell at me.   
After a while he left, not even looking at me, still pretending he didn’t know I was there.   
Stupid stubborn dwarf, if he wanted to talk, he could have confided in me. I wouldn’t have told anybody. 

But well, I’m going to stop writing and try to get some sleep.   
We are leaving tomorrow, something I’m not too thrilled about.  
If I get the chance, I would love to visit Rivendell again. 

 

Bilbo closed the journal, let out a big sigh and jumped off of the bed.   
Then he quickly kissed the dwarf’s cheek before he walked out of the room.


End file.
